Okay so I got a text tonight saying that the last of my high school friends is getting hitched. therefor, I am the old maid of my high school friends at not quite 21 years old...we are all so young!!!
I'm so excited for her, truly!!! But it makes me think: Why am I not excited for when that happens to me? If you know me well you know all my family related reasons why tying that knot has seemed like an unhappy thought. Regardless of all my fears about marriages not working out, the pros should out weigh the cons in my mind, right?
I know marriage is "ordained of God" and it has the capacity to be the most wonderful part of life. I'm so excited to be a Mom you have now idea, I can't wait to be poor, decorate an awful little apartment and to have a best friend who loves me and I'm able to love more then I love myself. But I'm still so scared of marriage!!! I'm afraid I'm to nievee and idealistic to make it work. I'm afraid I have some flaw that I have never before seen that will make it impossible for me to be happy in a married state. I know that's ridiculous because I'm a happy person now and a good person and friend now. I have a good head on my shoulders, I'm not stupid and I rarely meet a person I can't get along with. If it's my call when and who why am I so scared? Do you have any advice or reassurance to help me out before I become a cat lady?
First of all, never become a cat lady. You are much more likely to have a bunch of dogs to keep you company. Second, don't let the pressure get to you! You have more friends now who are not getting married super young. Take the time to watch the people you know who are married to figure out what works and what doesn't. Write in your journal a lot, and get to know yourself. It's so true that you have to work on gaining the qualities you expect in a spouse. But I think the most important things are patience, understanding, and forgiveness. Basically, try to be like Jesus. Whenever I think there is a problem or I am upset about something, usually all I have to do to feel better is try to put myself in his shoes. You will be a great wife Ginelle, when the time is right. Even if you feel like an old maid sometimes, it will happen when the time is right for you. Just let faith replace your fear. You're doing a good job, it's okay to be realistic about how hard marriage is. I personally think parenthood is harder, and especially staying on the same page with your spouse regarding parenting. Maybe that's not comforting...sorry! :) I love you!!
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